Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
