And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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