The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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