The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
