i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
