Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
