come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
