I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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