And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
