Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
