Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
