Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
no you cant smoke seaweed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
