Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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