all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
