need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
