yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
