i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
