Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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