i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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