I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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