I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
