erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
