dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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