Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
