Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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