...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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