YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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