When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
