So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
