covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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