i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
