Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
