i barfeds in our rink
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
