i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
