When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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