I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
