I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
