wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
