hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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