Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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