I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
