Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
