I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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