Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
