It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
