Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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