you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's official drugs can't kill me
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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