Pants 0. Shit 1.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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