you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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