I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You left your phone here
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