He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
