a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
