If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
