how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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